Things that feed my soul #2
posted on January 8, 2012 at 1:02 pm by Khali
and every colour illuminates
posted on January 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm by Khali
I think it’s safe to say that I am glad that 2011 is over. In fact, let’s put the miserable thing out of our misery. Thank you Soairse.
It was not my best year, however it was not the worst either. I have done some reflection in the last little while; as is tradition when a new year sits on the horizon. I have overcome most of the obstacles in my life by sheer tenacity, simply by grimly hanging on until things improved rather than through any definitive action on my part. Hardly proactive, but it worked for a time. Only once or twice have I had to actually peel myself off the floor and point myself in a direction and say “get on with it!”. Most notable was when I went back for my Bachelor’s degree. I am proud that I accomplished that.
I tried in the last couple of years to change my grimly clinging habit by moving to another province. But I did that out of a desire to change things rather than because I wanted to move anywhere. Of course, as a leopard never changes his spots, I took myself with me and nothing changed. I expected outside things to change how I felt about the inside things. Needless to say I didn’t have much success with that. I am not the mover and shaker that other people are, I accept that, but neither am I this sedentary blob I’ve become in the last couple of years. So my New Year’s resolutions are simple, if not mildly vague. A resolution is something that one is determined to do, which is part of the reason so many ‘resolutions’ never come to fruition: the actual resolve is missing. I did not say I would work out - because I know that going to a gym is frought with all kinds of anxieties and horrors for me and making that resolution would kill my resolve before I had even begun. My resolution is to be more active in 2012. Being more active means walking to or from work. Going to the pool more often than I have. Going for walks around this beautiful neighbourhood I’ve found myself in, not resisting the urge to dance when a good song comes on my playlist. Anything to get the blood flowing. I do have a condition though: I must have improved my stamina before May if I am going to travel as intended. I don’t want to be one of those bitchy fat tourists who complain about how steep the hills are. I want to enjoy myself.
My second resolution is to make some atainable goals and reach them. Vague, right? Perhaps, but a big leap in terms of thinking around my self-defeating thought processes. I made such a big list last year and only one or two were actually accomplished and even then only for a short period that I felt more let down by my inability to complete a goal than I did about accomplishing the things I did. Yes, I got myself a better job to replace the two I was juggling and yes I lost 40lbs, but I packed the weight on again as soon as December was in full swing.
My third resolution is to be more positive. I think this will be one of the greater challenges I’m facing because I have a hard time letting go of anxiety. It’s funny, I spent so long stuffing my feelings into a box so I wouldn’t have to deal with them, that I was unaware that I actually suffered from anxiety. But I do, socially and otherwise. So, beng more positive also means aknowledging the things I feel rather than stuffing them in that box. It’s getting overfull anyway and I’m likely to burst it seams again, like I did in the summer of 2010. Part of that process will be to start journalling again. I haven’t written anything in a notebook since… ever. (And by anything I mean more than a few scribbled notes.)
So. Here’s to a more confident and active 2012.
When we first came here,
We were cold and we were clear,
With no colours on our skin,
We were light and paper-thin.And when we first came here,
We were cold and we were clear,
With no colours on our skin,
‘Till you let the spectrum in.
profligate
posted on December 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm by Khali
profligate [adj] 1: recklessly wasteful; [syn: extravagant, prodigal, spendthrift] 2: unrestrained by convention or morality; [syn: debauched, degenerate, degraded, dissipated, dissolute, libertine, riotous, fast]
or [n] 1: a dissolute man in fashionable society [syn: rake, rip, blood, roue] 2: a recklessly extravagant consumer [syn: prodigal, squanderer]
He was a prolifigate sort of fellow, one could tell by the swagger he affected when he stepped from his ridiculously expensive car and handed out the ridiculously shameless girl of the hour.
Things that feed my soul #1
posted on December 5, 2011 at 2:53 pm by Khalieschatology
posted on November 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm by KhaliEschatology: n :the branch of theology that is concerned with such final things as death and judgment; heaven and hell; the end of the world. [Gk. eskhatos "last, furthest, uttermost, extreme, most remote"]
Most cultures have a kind of eschatology apparent in thier mythology, though there is never so much attention drawn to these final things as when an age is said to be ending. Millenium fever and the end of the Mayan calendar have manifested numerous apocalytic and post-apocalyptic fictions.
semiosis
posted on November 21, 2011 at 1:10 pm by KhaliSemiosis: [n] a process in which something functions as a sign to an organism. is any form of activity, conduct, or process that involves signs, including the production of meaning. Briefly – semiosis is sign process. The term was introduced by Charles Sanders Peirce (1839–1914) to describe a process that interprets signs as referring to their objects, as described in his theory of sign relations, or semiotics. Semiosis is triadic, and cyclic. Other theories of sign processes are sometimes carried out under the heading of semiology, following on the work of Ferdinand de Saussure (1857–1913).
Language is a semiosis. Words are signs that have meaning to us, as organisms, parts in a community.
cosmogonic
posted on November 19, 2011 at 4:39 pm by KhaliCosmogonic [adj] pertaining to the branch of astronomy dealing with the history and structure and dynamics of the universe; [syn: cosmologic, cosmological, cosmogonical] “belonging to cosmogony”.
Dr. Trylobium studied the cosmogonic implications of the images returned to earth from the latest satelite probe with some trepidation.
coagulum
posted on November 17, 2011 at 10:40 am by Khali Coagulum [n] a lump of material formed from the content of a liquid [syn: clot]
Coagulum \Co*ag”u*lum\, n.; pl. Coagula. [L. See Coagulate, a.] The thick, curdy precipitate formed by the coagulation of albuminous matter; any mass of coagulated matter, as a clot of blood.
The doctor studied the coagulum closely under the microscope.
quotidian
posted on November 15, 2011 at 11:17 am by Khaliquotidian: [adj] found in the ordinary course of events; “a placid everyday scene”; “it was a routine day”; “there’s nothing quite like a real…train conductor to add color to a quotidian commute”- Anita Diamant [syn: everyday, mundane, routine, unremarkable, workaday]
It was a brilliant day; the birds sang with more gusto than usual and the quotidian street seemed transformed by their enthusiasm.
posted on November 10, 2011 at 11:42 pm by Khali
“So it is with most of us: that which we observe to be taken as a matter of course by those around us, we take as a matter of course ourselves. ” Samuel Butler [Erewhon]
Things I’ve learned #15
posted on November 9, 2011 at 6:16 pm by KhaliEveryone has urges, desires, compulsions. Whatever you want to call them; it’s what you do with them (or don’t do) that defines your character.
Grammar Bitch: have/of
posted on November 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm by Khali
Our ears deceive us, but grammar does not. Trust me on this one, because these rules were not created arbitrarily, but through repetitive usage. The dictionary and grammar guides did not come first!
Have is a verb. It is often used as an auxiliary verb to determine tense, mood or voice. It is often followed by modal auxiliaries as would, should, could, must, will etc. which determine the degree of certainty. I should have got out of bed earlier. I must have got out of bed earlier than usual. I could have got out of bed earlier.
Of, on the other hand, is a preposistion, which is almost always preceded by a noun or main verb and followed by a noun phrase. If any of you suffered through grade eight english class with me, you will recall Mr. Castle putting up that poster with the kitten and the box and swatting it with the pointer. “I don’t know why you pea brains can’t get this, this is grade one english!” A preposition is a word that describes a relation between nouns or verbs or phrases; words like: above, over, under, beyond, regarding, through, around, during etc…
The cat is on the box. (main verb precedes, the phrase after describes what the noun is, in fact, on.) The cat should have caught the mouse. (No preposition here!) The cat has a coat of many colours. (aha!)
With this in mind, ’should of’ is quite blaringly incorrect isn’t it?
Happy Nanowrimo!
posted on November 6, 2011 at 11:18 am by Khali
It’s that time again! Yes, you guessed it, National Novel Writing Month, or Nanowrimo as it is more commonly known. The goal? 50000 words in 30 days. I believe this is my sixth year doing this and I find it’s an excellent kick in the rump to actually get some writing done.
This year I will not be posting portions of my story the way I have in previous years. I found it too distracting and no one ever read any of it anyway as they were too busy writing themselves. So, if you would like to see some of the end result let me know and I will send something your way… though be forwarned it may not be right away. I’m using this opportunity to think outside the box and start somewhere other than the beginning, since I have major issues with endings.
One could take that and turn it into a psychological clue… which it probably is, but suffice it to say that I tend to get carried away with too many threads in a story and find it hard to tied them all off in a satisfactory manner. So. I’m not starting at the beginning this time. I’m trying to start at the end and work backwards, which is a challenge because I’m more linear that this experiment is. I’m just hoping that once I get my 50000 words, I will have something more than just half a story like I ended up with last year. Wish my luck blurkers… (blog lurkers.. I know you’re out there!)
And now I shall share my musical inspiration for my mad scribbling frenzy: Arika and Marlon’s List on Grooveshark (Yes, I am writing about them again. They insist on it.)
provocateur
posted on November 1, 2011 at 12:42 pm by Khali
Noun 1. provocateur - a secret agent who incites suspected persons to commit illegal act [1922] shortened form of agent provocateur “person hired to make trouble” (1877), from Fr. provocateur, from L. provocator “challenger,” from provocare (see provoke). Originally in ref. to strike-breakers.
Elisa was groomed to make the perfect provocateur. If only she knew that her real mission was one to cause trouble, not prevent it.
Things I’ve Learned #14
posted on October 25, 2011 at 9:09 am by KhaliLove is not the same thing as lust. Love is also not the same thing as like. Nor is lust the same as passion. This may seem a little like a silly distinction to some of you, so please, let me explain.
Love comes in many forms. You learn early that your parents love you, your dog loves you and your friends and family love you to varying degrees. You are told that you must also find someone to love enough to spend the rest of your life with. You enter the world of dating at a time when your hormones are running the show and you fall madly, deeply, crazily in love either once or many times over. Only, I can’t call that obsessive desire to breathe the same air as another human being as much beyond lust. Love is what comes after the crazy.
Or it’s supposed to.
After the heart-thumping encounters and the giddy “we have so much in common” twitterpation eases off you find yourself in a relationship with someone who you begin to realise is a whole separate person. You are not two halves of the same whole as the whirlwind romance convinced you you were. Real love happens when you realise that and love them anyway. Real love is a desire to make that other person’s life better, happier just because you can. Real love is moving outside of your comfort zone to improve a life together. Real love is unconditional.
And this is where more trouble arises, because sometimes your partner turns out to be not so nice all the time; perhaps he or she is a violent drunk. Perhaps he or she is a compulsive liar or thief or a serial cheater. This does not mean that your love for them is invalid. You have every right to love the person regardless, but you also have every right to not like the person’s behaviour and to remove yourself from the situation. We are not taught this as children. We are not taught this by one of our primary sources of information: media. The media seems to say that if you cannot maintain the same level of passion you began with then you have fallen out of love; which I don’t think is true at all.
Love is defined by this word: passion. Without hormones, without passion, relationships would never begin. It’s what happens after the lust, after the passion that defines real love. (I’ve often wondered why we have so few words to define love, because there are so many different kinds, so many different ways to define and use the word. Here I am separating it from sex, and even on some level from intimacy because I think this is one thing that is missing in many relationships these days.)
Thoughts?