bantha poodoo*
posted on April 11, 2009 at 10:41 pm by Khali
I have long since given up on pretending that I don’t like the things I do to try and fit in with any one group because there is no point in doing so. (So yes, I love Star Wars and I’m a Star Trek nut to the point that I’m going to see the movie this year when it comes out and not just because it does so on my birthday. I also love Harry Potter, Firefly, mass quantities of Sci-fi and fantasy among all my other geeky pursuits. I love history. I love words. Sue me.)
I do, however, have a problem with the way things come out of my mouth. I may no longer make apologies for the things I think are awesome but I’m having a hard time unlearning a habit I picked up in the harshest of times in most people’s life: junior high. I’m not going to lament about how I got teased and whatever, because a lot of us got teased - I just happened to have several things to get teased about rather than just one or two. All I really wanted was for people to like me. And so I’d tell stories. That’s what my mom called it - but really, it was more like embellishing the truth. Blowing things a little out of proportion. Base-line, it was lying. I was not even aware I was doing this anymore it was that much of a habit. Stupid little things too, like saying I’ve read a book that I really haven’t because somewhere in my pea-sized brain I feel that you’ll like me more if I have read that book. It’s bullshit of course and I’ve been getting so much better at catching myself in these little things. I’m sure people have noticed that I do this more than they let on, so if I do it to you kick me, please. It’s a bad habit and it spills over into other stuff and I think that’s lame.
So no, I’ve not watched that one episode of Family Guy, even though I’ve seen several of them. (I’m not a huge fan of the cartoon, though I do think Stewie has his moments. So far as TV goes it’s better than UFC or that show about people who get in insanely huge trucks and then drive them across several inches of ice just to make more than I do in a year. Ok going to stop here because I’m in serious danger of rambling… )
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want to make myself better than I have been. I’ve said and done things that I’m not proud of, so I’m doing my best now to be better than that. Call it self-improvement, whatever you like, I’m just tired of not liking myself.
Cheers…
*if you are a star wars nut, you’ll know what that means 
listening to: Moby - Natural Blues
reading: nothing atm
eating: a cinnamon bun
drinking: chai
