“Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can’t replace this dictionary.” ~Blackadder: Ink and Incapability
You know, I don’t write here enough, and when I do it seems to merely be to bitch and moan about something or to update my nonexistant readership on the random crap of my life. Or to rant. I think I’d like to challenge myself to write something more than that. Or make my rants actually have a point. Or just maybe a little more interesting, because you know, lame otherwise.
On that note, I found my archives. I really did rename them something totally illogical. Go me. Seriously, where do I get off freaking myself out unnecessarily like that when I already have other crap in my brain. Heh… probably more likely that it was a symptom of the other shit in my brain, but no matter how you look at it, I freaked out for nothing. Nothing is missing. *breathes* (And no one cares but me really, anyway.) Not that it was a huge thing, there are only a couple of posts that I think are actually worth keeping, but it’s like a diary for me - a record of myself… and I’ve been better at keeping up with the blog than I have with anything that I have in a note book - those always turn into compilations of fiction, poetry and crap I’ve glued in. Those are also fun.
I’ve been a tad nostalgic recently because so many people I’ve reconnected with over facebook seem to have got married or reproduced and it got me thinking about the things we thought we wanted to do when we first knew each other in junior and senior high school. One of my girlfriends had this huge list of things she wanted to accomplish before she was 30, and she’s actually managed most of them, motherhood among them. Me? Well, I’ve not grabbed the bull by the proverbial horns. Granted I thought that by now I’d be a Marine Biologist, married and living on the beach somewhere, but hey, not all of it is totally unrealistic. I kind of wish for simpler times when I had life ahead of me, but most of me is just kind of fed up with myself. Hello! Time to get going on things. I’ve let life just go along. Yeah, my clock is ticking, biological and otherwise and it’s time I did something about it.
Random: I saw my first old lady mullet last week. Perm in the front, braid in the back. Way classy.
Oh, and a word of glee here: Kiddo also likes the smell of books - as in she sniffs them just like I do - she just did it while she was reading the back of my newest addition to my rabid collection. She is One Of Us. Mwahahahahaha. /evil.
listening to: Roisin Murphy - Modern Timing
reading: Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice (Why have I not read this before??)
eating: macachee (ugh, whole wheat noodles are fail)
drinking: not enough
word count: 203
darling du jour: a decent boss kill in WoW. (Yes, I said it. Deal)
I have long since given up on pretending that I don’t like the things I do to try and fit in with any one group because there is no point in doing so. (So yes, I love Star Wars and I’m a Star Trek nut to the point that I’m going to see the movie this year when it comes out and not just because it does so on my birthday. I also love Harry Potter, Firefly, mass quantities of Sci-fi and fantasy among all my other geeky pursuits. I love history. I love words. Sue me.)
I do, however, have a problem with the way things come out of my mouth. I may no longer make apologies for the things I think are awesome but I’m having a hard time unlearning a habit I picked up in the harshest of times in most people’s life: junior high. I’m not going to lament about how I got teased and whatever, because a lot of us got teased - I just happened to have several things to get teased about rather than just one or two. All I really wanted was for people to like me. And so I’d tell stories. That’s what my mom called it - but really, it was more like embellishing the truth. Blowing things a little out of proportion. Base-line, it was lying. I was not even aware I was doing this anymore it was that much of a habit. Stupid little things too, like saying I’ve read a book that I really haven’t because somewhere in my pea-sized brain I feel that you’ll like me more if I have read that book. It’s bullshit of course and I’ve been getting so much better at catching myself in these little things. I’m sure people have noticed that I do this more than they let on, so if I do it to you kick me, please. It’s a bad habit and it spills over into other stuff and I think that’s lame.
So no, I’ve not watched that one episode of Family Guy, even though I’ve seen several of them. (I’m not a huge fan of the cartoon, though I do think Stewie has his moments. So far as TV goes it’s better than UFC or that show about people who get in insanely huge trucks and then drive them across several inches of ice just to make more than I do in a year. Ok going to stop here because I’m in serious danger of rambling… )
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I want to make myself better than I have been. I’ve said and done things that I’m not proud of, so I’m doing my best now to be better than that. Call it self-improvement, whatever you like, I’m just tired of not liking myself.
Cheers…
*if you are a star wars nut, you’ll know what that means 
listening to: Moby - Natural Blues
reading: nothing atm
eating: a cinnamon bun
drinking: chai
So I’ve spent the majority of the day trying to find a template that doesn’t make my eyes hurt too much because css and I don’t seem to be on speaking terms yet. There is no garuntee that this one is the one I will stick with, but for now, it’s what I’m logging off with. Comments are appreciated. Cheers until later when I have my brain back in my head. Right now I have to go and fold laundry so that I can crawl into my nice warm bed and hide from the nasty sleety weather.
